mcfearless

well.

that rogue pound from this morning seems to have disappeared of its own volition. i must admit, it scared the shit out of me. see, my mom recently got diagnosed with an eye condition that means she's going to start slowly losing her vision over the next few years. she won't be going blind per se, she's just going to have a big blurred spot in her central vision. and while age and genetics determine whether or not you'll get it foremost, smoking is the most modifiable risk. my mom smokes occasionally, not much, it's just her little vice since she doesn't drink or really do anything else "scandalous" or whatever. i smoke about a pack a week maybe. well, since she's gotten this diagnosis, i offered to quit smoking with her in an attempt to encourage her to quit. i've gone two days without cigarettes and as soon as i saw that pound my first thought was "shit you gain weight when you quit smoking." i looked it up on the web and everything seemed to indicate that yes, your metabolism slows a bit but most people tend to replace cigarettes with food, leading to weight gain. and since i can't do something like that, i'm PRAYING that i won't wind up gaining.

but if i do, i won't lie, i might just go back to it until the bf's birthday and then quit again when i don't have a goal right around the corner.

so did the usual routine today. elliptical and then dvd. it was day three of level one so tomorrow i do level two. and i've got to tell you, level one was kicking my ass so i'm quite a bit scared of level two.

was pretty hungry for some reason today. managed to keep my snacking in check. did indulge in a tablespoon of jam after dinner though. i know i shouldn't have but my dad is stressing me out and i've been pretty depressed all day so i figured 50 calories of jam is better than a huuuuuuuuuuuge binge like i would really enjoy right now.

currently i'm hiding out in my room (since i've found i can't really watch tv at night because the commercials make me so so hungry) and watching this documentary on valentino. the models are pretty damn thinspiring, i'll say that.

so i've been reading all these blogs, and so many of you girls are doing so so great! i'm in AWE of everyone's self-control. it's kind of making me feel like a fat slob, i won't lie, but i'm trying! and for those of you who, like me, are struggling right now, we can totally do this!

nine more days...

xoxo,

rubes