Sunday, September 27, 2009


i would drop kick a puppy off a moving bus for some peanut butter right now.

no, that's a lie and really horrible animal cruelty. i wouldn't ever do that. but i DO really want some peanut butter.

how about "i would sit through Glitter for some peanut butter." or maybe "i would be stuck in an elevator with heidi montag for half an hour if it meant i could binge on peanut butter and not gain a single calorie."

ok maybe that last one is a bit extreme. i don't think they give you peanut butter in prison and that's where i'd go after i beat the living daylights out of her after fifteen seconds of her inane prattle.

i've been so so hungry all day. i don't know if it's PMS or what, but it's been taking all my will-power not to just go downstairs and binge for like three hours then purge for four.

went to hot yoga this morning, which was nice. however, i couldn't do a couple of the poses that require a lot of leg strength. i like to think i'm in shape because i work out every day, but the truth is my legs are really weak. i don't know why, god knows i'm on that elliptical faithfully, i always take the stairs, and i kick my own ass with pilates/yoga/a jillian michaels dvd at least three times a week. but still, i have problems doing poses like "awkward airplane" and stuff like that. by the end of the class, my legs felt all tingly and as i walked to my car i thought my knees were kind of knocking together. i have to admit though, i kind of loved that feeling.

so far today, i've eaten more than i should:
  • scrambled egg whites with spinach in a whole wheat pita with ketchup: 149
  • cantaloupe: 40 cals
  • grapes: 30 cals
  • KIND bar: 190 cals
  • apple: 80 cals
  • 1.5 rice cakes: 53 cals
total: 442 cals

but hopefully the ~780 cals i burned from hot yoga will even things out. i might have to go out to dinner later, which will suck but i've already laid the ground work and told my mom i wasn't feeling well so perhaps i can get away with just a salad or something small like that.

i wish i weren't so weak. i wish i didn't crave food as much as i do. but i've still got my dress hanging up and i just look at it whenever i need to be reminded to stay strong.

the first day is always the worst. but that's over now, and i know that i can make it through the cravings and the nausea. so today i need to just push through, so i can be slim and gorgeous and controlled like all you wonderful girls (and guys? maybe? i don't know) who read this.



  1. You make me want peanut butter so bad! Luckily there's none in the house. Har har har.

    Also all your talk about hot yoga makes me want to do it! I'm going to look up classes now. : )

  2. Hii, this may sound really DUMB but if theres any possible chance whatsoever if you could do like a daily meal plan, as in write down what you'd eat on an average day???????

  3. Oh honey, I've said before, "I would punch a midget in the face to eat a jar of peanut bar" so I TOTALLY know where you're coming from. And if you were bad enough, and faced with the choice of delicious peanut-y goodness, or the life of a puppy?
    There comes a point during any woman's life while she's on PMS that she would make the WRONG CHOICE.

    Peanut butter is my major weakness as well, so I totally feel you there.

    You can do it, though!
    And Jillian Michaels SCARES me. I like some of her workouts, but yeah...her body scares me LOL

  4. haha your post made me smile :) the peanut bit & the hiedi montag parts any ways.
    good luck!

  5. honey you are amzingly strong if i get the slightest hint of hunger on pms i end up binge purging multiple times a day

    haha i think i would pay for heidi montag to be stuck in a elevator with you could make good watching lol


  6. omg i was sooo hungry last week. i dont even know what was going on. let me know if you figure out how to outlast the hunger. thank you sooo much for your comment btw, i was feeling really shitty this morning. good luck :)