Saturday, October 17, 2009


randomly lost half a pound when i got on the scale today. i don't know how this occurred but as my Grammy always used to say: Don't look a gift loss in the scale.* so i'll take it.

was supposed to meet up with an old friend from high school, G. i had a huge falling out with my friends from high school a few years back. i won't go into details, but they said some really fucked up stuff. i won't pretend i was blameless in the whole deal (let's face it, we've all said and done stupid stuff in high school) but a lot of what they said was completely uncalled for. and though G claimed to be neutral and non-judgmental about the whole affair, his allegiance was very quickly realized and it wasn't with me. but randomly he called me a few months back to say he was sorry about how things had gone down, that he was really unfair to me, and that he wanted to be friends again. we met up for coffee and it was nice (maybe a little awkward, but that's expected). anyway, he went back to school (he's a 5th year architecture student) and i stayed here. he's back in town now and i wanted to look nice because, well, i know that group and anything that goes down he will probably report back to all the girls that turned on me. so i went to target and got these super cute skinny gray jeans. i bought them in a 3 even though i usually wore a 5 or a 7. i was beating myself up the whole way home thinking that it's going to be so depressing when they won't button and who am i kidding thinking i could wear a 3.

but they fit.

sure they're a little snug and i'm not crazy about how low the rise is, but they're supposed to be tight and even if not, they'll be a great inspiration for me to lose these last few pounds.

anyway, like i said, i was supposed to get coffee with G. unfortunately, my dad's plane got delayed and traffic/construction was a nightmare on the way to the airport so i had to reschedule. instead, i got to have a conversation with my father that did not go great.

dad: my god you're skinny.
me: um, thanks?
dad: how much weight have you lost?
me: i dunno.
dad: you don't know? i know you have a scale. you stole mine.
me: yeah but i haven't really weighed myself in a while...

yeah i'm sure that's not suspicious at all. then after that little exchange which already had me on edge, my dad decided to interrogate me about my career choices and what the hell i'm doing with my life. basically, nothing is ever good enough for my dad. the only time he ever seemed to approve of my career path was when i decided to be a lawyer, and that's only because he was one for a while. after interning at a law firm, however, i decided it wasn't the right option for me. daddy dearest hasn't quite let that idea go though. i told him i wanted to go to grad school, get my master's in english, and become a teacher. he suggested i become a paralegal (no thanks) or get my MBA (um, i have NO aptitude for business or math. basically, i'm only really good at calculating discounts on clothes and counting my calories...). but recently i've been thinking more and more about studying psychology for grad school and getting my master's and my PhD. i told my dad this was my new plan. he suggested becoming a teacher. or a paralegal. sigh. whatever. i can't listen to him or let him control me. it's just annoying that he never supports me, just always tells me i'm doing the wrong thing.

sorry, that was a long rant. right, back to topic.

going to try to keep my calorie count low again. should be easy since i don't want to be in the same house as my dad so i'll be staying out and away from the kitchen today. didn't eat breakfast until around 12:30 because i was a bad girl and had a glass of milk around 12:30 a.m. and gwynnie paltrow says you shouldn't eat twelve hours before you have your first meal of the day. so i had to wait and wait and wait to get to eat my KIND bar, which was kind of a nice exercise in control.

going to try to get some more GRE studying done. hope everyone is having a splendid day! or at least that theirs is better than mine so far haha!


*my Grammy never actually said anything like this. the only advice she would give me is "not to be so short" and "to get a boyfriend." then she'd make me scrambled eggs and offer me prune juice or malted milk. ah Grammy...


  1. i'm THRILLED to hear about the new jeans! god, i love that feeling, when you don't think something will fit and then they slide right on! after those few pounds are gone, you will look SMOKIN in them and they will fit perfectly when you see G! so excited for you!

  2. ps. is that you in the picture?!?!?!

  3. Awesome about the jeans!! not so awesome bout your dad... but yeah, it's ultimately your decision, and maybe once you've made your decision he'll give up trying to change your mind. miss paltrow said that? i'm so gona stick to that, great incentive not to eat late!

  4. omgg so jealous i wanna be a size 3!!!!!!!
    congratulations :D

    dont worryabout your dad my english teacher this yer gacve a huge lecture at the beginning of the year about how you go to school for YOU and not for your parents and that whatever you choose to do in life should be what YOU want to do to make yourself happy.
    because if you let others live through you, then there is no you anymore.
    i really liked it.

    staystrong sweetie <333


    Hate that bitch.