Tuesday, October 20, 2009

the bird and the worm

sorry again about my sadsack ruby post last night. i'll try not to let my shitty hormones take over like that again.

so was very good last night, didn't binge (as much as i might have wanted) and stayed around 500 cals. haven't seen any change on the scale as a result of my awesomeness, but i'm beginning to suspect a little monthly visitor may be responsible for my weight gain and shitty attitude these days. which makes me kind of want to cut myself some slack and wait until my period is over to get back on track, but would that just be prolonging a bad habit? sigh. we'll see. i'll try to stick on track but if i falter, i feel i have a legit excuse.

gym and part of a workout dvd so far. don't really know what to do with myself today. i'd love to go get my nails done but i always feel bad treating myself to stuff, like i don't deserve it at all.

god i hope i can get out of dinner again tonight. i'm making a chicken dish, which i know i'll be excused from (last night it was a pasta dish that my mom said i could have since i would just eat around the meat) so i can have something else. but again, i know i'm being scrutinized, so i feel a little scared that i won't be allowed to have soup or whatever.

i think maybe i'd be a little more ok with their concern if i thought i looked different, if i thought i looked "thin". but honestly, i don't see any difference between me now and me 20 pounds ago. i mean, i guess i can see my ribs a little more but it's not like they're really sticking out and my stomach is still round and my thighs are still thunderous. i'm nothing like the beautiful thinspiration girls i post, so i just feel upset that people are trying to stop me before i can get to that level of control.

sigh i can't wait to live on my own again.

hope everyone else is staying on track and kicking ass! chins up, weights down, beautifuls!



  1. I just listened to that song, how ironic.
    Good job not binging and staying around 500 cals yay! And oh my god mine is almost over but it is soo bothersome. I agree, if you do eat more or whatever you have a legit excuse!

    Even if you can't tell a difference, other people can. Cause you're used to yourself and stuff like that, but 20 lbs is definitely noticeable! But I know what you mean about that.

    Good luck with dinner and everything else (:


    super sorry I haven't been commenting lately ): forgive me?

  2. I think that was my problem too, my fucking period. God.

    I tried to comment on your last post but it wouldn't let me. How old is your sister??

  3. I do love that Used song.
    Great band.

    Well done on the control.
    Whenever I have my period I just binge on chocolate non-stop.
    It's ridiculous.

    Good luck with the family, it's so annoying when they're on your case.
    I definitely feel you.


  4. Oh! Jeez! I figured she was like 16!

  5. Thnx for your comment on my post!
    Ugh stupid scale always has to torture you on days when you really really need to see it go down.. Well that's what it does to me anyway; then when it doesn't go down I think "FINE I'll show you and binge" which then makes it go up. Bad idea.
    Good luck with the dinner, hopefully the fam will stare at something else and scrutinize that, point out something your sister does? lol.. mean I know =P
    I was just wondering what your stats are like? Damn you've lost 20 lbs? You must look different! I think you should get your nails done, you deserve a treat! Obviously - and a zero cal one at that?! Totally justifiable!

  6. teehee lets justify getting nails done no money to spend on a binge and and and we are mean to our bodies lets be nice to them and give it a little treat wonderful :D justfied done off you go:)

    guessing your veggie ? me to did she actually make you eat around the meat that is not right and pasta ah my worst enemy any way if your the only veggie that is good because they probably wont know anything about vegetairn food and how sneakily low cal it can be quorn is resonable low cal, cooked in dolmio light sauce maybe even sone vegetables chucked in and we have an under 200 cal acceptable dinner. vegetable curry my "but look curry CURRY how can it not be a meal CURRY" works everytime just no cream or anything in sauce

    ah these people who dont accepet salads(or think its a salad when it has like 1000 cals yes caser salad im looking at you!) and soups as proper meals they are most annoying at times

  7. ahhh i dont know what i would do if i didnt live on my own. my mom doesnt even need to force food down my throat... i just love the homemade food from home. when are you gona b out on your own again? good luck today lovey!