odd

sigh. i really don't know what to do.


my sister's shitty behavior has kind of made my mom look twice at my diet. she keeps talking about how i don't eat enough, asking me if i've taken any vitamins, and commenting on how thin i look. it's made me so mad. i get that my sister is concerned about me, or at least that's what she's claiming, but in what universe does giving someone the cold shoulder or the silent treatment express concern over their well-being?


now it all feels so strange. i've gained weight, or so the scale says, so why are they NOW saying how thin i look? and what should i do about eating? do i try to eat more to throw them off? but i'm trying to get back on track. this whole thing has my stomach so twisted that i'm not even all that hungry. i mean, sure, i could eat, but i don't feel that intense need and i feel more like crying than binging.


i feel so terrible that the mood in the house is so tense right now. it's blatantly obvious that something's not right and i feel bad that my mom is kind of in the middle. now my sister is starting to try to act like nothing's wrong and talk to me again. but i'm not playing along so she's playing the victim once more. it's a sick cycle. she acts like she's all offended by something i've said or done or not said or not done then gives me the silent treatment. i give it right back to her. she decides to talk to me again. i don't go along with it. she acts all offended. over and over.


believe me, i'd love an excuse to eat, but should i? it sucks that of course this happens when i'm PMSing and all weepy and moody already over nothing at all. my timing is horrible. all i want to do is curl up in my super comfy sweats and a tank top in bed, listen to damien rice, and eat warm chocolate chip cookies with a cold glass of milk. or just mug after mug of delicious hot chocolate. and sleep. and just slip away from all of this drama.



i'm sorry about the rant post. i promise i'll be upbeat tomorrow. tonight and the past few days have just been...odd. and it's taking its toll on me.


xoxo,
rubes

p.s. can you tell i like to change up the appearance of my blog when i'm dissatisfied with my own appearance? hahaha