four kicks

hello gorgeouses!


i'm back after a lovely long weekend with the boy. it was really really nice, and the best part? he kept telling me how skinny i was and how much weight i looked like i'd lost. was it a compliment? was it concern? i don't know, but i was pleased to know that my efforts were visible.


i've been feeling kind of odd lately. paranoid is the only term that i guess i could use. i'm going to say this, but please don't think that i'm being conceited because this is kind of freaking me out more than flattering me, but i feel like people are looking at me a lot. i'm not saying "oh woe is me, i'm getting checked out constantly." i just mean, like when my boyfriend and i were at the mall, i felt like people were looking at me a lot. maybe they were wondering why someone as handsome as my boyfriend was dating someone like me. maybe they were horrified by my fatness. maybe i had a rogue booger hanging out that no one informed me of. i don't know, but it's been happening a lot lately. it's not like people look at me and smile they just...look. and i'm not sure how to respond so i just kind of blank-stare back. it's very odd.


so i've gained a bit of weight. shock. but even after the bad binges and the eating carbs past 3 and all that nonsense, i'm still at 110.5 so i'm not too angry with myself. believe me, i was expecting to be like 116 when i got home. took a bunch of laxatives last night so i feel like today has been a clean start (oh god, awful pun). gone to the gym. sister dear has the day off so she's hanging around the house which means i might have to eat. only, i left her alone for the weekend, and she like didn't do jack shit. there was a two-page long grocery list waiting for me and the house is a wreck. she didn't do anything. and of course, my mom comes home today which means i have to do EVERYTHING. thanks a lot sis. cheers.


okay, going to be good today. have only had a KIND bar so far. super yummy. but since there's like nothing in the house to eat, i can't be too terribly tempted to binge. yaaaay! i'll have to go out and remedy the bare cupboard sitch soon but right now it's kind of nice.


i'm slowly catching up on everyone's blogs. to those of you who've done well: CONGRATS! i knew you would kick ass! and to those of you struggling: we've ALL been there and you can totally pick yourself up and start over and be the gorgeous wonderful girl that we all know you are. you have the strength to do this and you WILL!


xoxo,
rubes