Wednesday, October 14, 2009

pistol of fire




well.


i binged last night. i was doing so well for the day and then i just lost it. i find it so much harder to stay on track when i don't have a clear goal in mind. usually it's a visit from my boyfriend that gives me the strength to keep away from those oh so yummy treats but when i don't know when i'm going to see him next, it's easier for me to just slip between the cracks. even right now i'm so hungry and i want nothing more than to go have something i know i shouldn't. i've been starving all day, i don't know why. i'm not PMSing, which is my usual culprit. maybe it's because i actually kicked my own ass with a workout after being lazy for so long. i didn't work out once while i was away, even though i had all my workout gear and everything. so today i did thirty minutes on the elliptical and a twenty minute jillian michaels workout (which had me dripping with sweat--that woman is insane. good, but insane). and i've managed to keep my intake somewhat good, but i'm at like 350-400 already and it's only 3 p.m. i've still got dinner to get through. i don't know what's going on with me, but this is annoying.


so i've decided that i think my weight goal is going to be 108 and maintaining it. i think it's the thinnest i can be without people getting suspicious. i was getting dressed this morning and i realized that a lot of my clothes don't fit me anymore. i thought this would elate me, but instead it made me a little sad that i couldn't wear my favorite skirt or my favorite pants anymore. i mean, i could, but they fit really awkwardly. it was a little depressing, i won't lie. but i guess that's a really stupid thing to complain about. i'll just have to get some new cute clothes in my new size...


okay, so i'm barricading myself in my room until i can get over this craving for cereal. sigh.


scale said 110 this morning. even after a binge and purge last night. i'm shocked.


so two pounds to go. i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this 

xoxo,
rubes


p.s. no that was definitely not me in the picture yesterday. however, that IS me in the picture above before i left for st louis so around 106 pounds. honest comments (good or bad--though constructive is always better than just harshness) would be much appreciated

8 comments:

  1. thanks - yes the high protein is good so far. I'm doing it because I was thinking back to previous weight loss and the best 'fad diet' I've ever been on was Atkins. I lost a TON of weight - went from 160 to 140 in a month! But I became weak and dizzy on such low carbs so I'm modifying the Atkins by adding apples (fruit and veg are basically prohibited on that diet!)

    Your pics look great I wish my stomach was that flat!! I can't wait to get that thin and post my own photos! Hope you're doing better today. Binging sucks. I crave cereal all the time too - its the carbs !

    Take care :) x

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  2. Totally jealous of the ribage!!

    I just binged, too. Ugh.

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  3. you look great! your stomach is nice and toned from the front, and pretty concave from the side! and i don't think it looks obviously ana, so no suspicious eyes judging. if that was 106, i bet you could get to 101 if you wanted to and still avoid any big suspicions. but you look great at 106 rubes!
    love, kk

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  4. you look amazing! your stomach is so flat!

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  5. You can do it!

    Hehe nice way to avoid the cereal! Yah u look very small framed, Lucky gorgeouse, your gonna be so tiny at 106... =)

    Your so close to your goal, Congrats!

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  6. Hey! you look great :) i thought i was following your blog but apparently i wasn't, so i just did a quick catch up read :) well done on everything!

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