Wednesday, October 14, 2009

pistol of fire


i binged last night. i was doing so well for the day and then i just lost it. i find it so much harder to stay on track when i don't have a clear goal in mind. usually it's a visit from my boyfriend that gives me the strength to keep away from those oh so yummy treats but when i don't know when i'm going to see him next, it's easier for me to just slip between the cracks. even right now i'm so hungry and i want nothing more than to go have something i know i shouldn't. i've been starving all day, i don't know why. i'm not PMSing, which is my usual culprit. maybe it's because i actually kicked my own ass with a workout after being lazy for so long. i didn't work out once while i was away, even though i had all my workout gear and everything. so today i did thirty minutes on the elliptical and a twenty minute jillian michaels workout (which had me dripping with sweat--that woman is insane. good, but insane). and i've managed to keep my intake somewhat good, but i'm at like 350-400 already and it's only 3 p.m. i've still got dinner to get through. i don't know what's going on with me, but this is annoying.

so i've decided that i think my weight goal is going to be 108 and maintaining it. i think it's the thinnest i can be without people getting suspicious. i was getting dressed this morning and i realized that a lot of my clothes don't fit me anymore. i thought this would elate me, but instead it made me a little sad that i couldn't wear my favorite skirt or my favorite pants anymore. i mean, i could, but they fit really awkwardly. it was a little depressing, i won't lie. but i guess that's a really stupid thing to complain about. i'll just have to get some new cute clothes in my new size...

okay, so i'm barricading myself in my room until i can get over this craving for cereal. sigh.

scale said 110 this morning. even after a binge and purge last night. i'm shocked.

so two pounds to go. i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this 


p.s. no that was definitely not me in the picture yesterday. however, that IS me in the picture above before i left for st louis so around 106 pounds. honest comments (good or bad--though constructive is always better than just harshness) would be much appreciated


  1. thanks - yes the high protein is good so far. I'm doing it because I was thinking back to previous weight loss and the best 'fad diet' I've ever been on was Atkins. I lost a TON of weight - went from 160 to 140 in a month! But I became weak and dizzy on such low carbs so I'm modifying the Atkins by adding apples (fruit and veg are basically prohibited on that diet!)

    Your pics look great I wish my stomach was that flat!! I can't wait to get that thin and post my own photos! Hope you're doing better today. Binging sucks. I crave cereal all the time too - its the carbs !

    Take care :) x

  2. Totally jealous of the ribage!!

    I just binged, too. Ugh.

  3. you look great! your stomach is nice and toned from the front, and pretty concave from the side! and i don't think it looks obviously ana, so no suspicious eyes judging. if that was 106, i bet you could get to 101 if you wanted to and still avoid any big suspicions. but you look great at 106 rubes!
    love, kk

  4. you look amazing! your stomach is so flat!

  5. You must be small framed.

  6. You can do it!

    Hehe nice way to avoid the cereal! Yah u look very small framed, Lucky gorgeouse, your gonna be so tiny at 106... =)

    Your so close to your goal, Congrats!

  7. Hey! you look great :) i thought i was following your blog but apparently i wasn't, so i just did a quick catch up read :) well done on everything!