Thursday, October 15, 2009

the bucket

ugh. binged and purged last night. then binged again and didn't purge. took a bunch of laxatives. couldn't fall asleep until 5:30 a.m. was awoken at 8 a.m.

my weight has really gone up. i was 112.5 when i stepped on the scale this morning. maybe i could take 1 lb off MAX for clothes but even after all the laxatives. why does it take such a big gain to finally get me to put down the fork?

i've had like NO control for the past nearly week and now it's really starting to show. i've got to get back on track. but it's so much harder when i don't have a goal for myself. anyone have any ideas? maybe lose the weight before i get 50 followers? but that's not very concrete. also, it's a bit mind-blowing. 50? sweet baby jeebus, i'm going to have to start trying to make these posts coherent haha.

i start training for work on the 21st, which is great since it'll get me out of the house and be one more way i can slip under the eating radar, i hope.

okay. 112.5. which means i need to lose 4.5 pounds. possibly more. after reading the comments from yesterday maybe i could get down to 106 and maintain? i just wonder how hard my body would fight me on that one, since it likes to hover around the range i'm in right now.

wouldn't it be amazing if money actually DID grow on trees? it would make my life sooooo much easier. new goals for life: 1) find money tree 2) find pill that makes all yummy food calorie-free 3) find way to go back in time so i can make out with hugh jackman BEFORE he got married, ergo i'm not a slutty homewrecker. ask if i can call him wolverine. 4)buy new chucks.

well, i guess since i'm up i should go to the gym. kick my own ass. you know, try to make up for my sheer and utter lack of willpower yesterday. at least i got some new music and a magazine, which is really helpful for when i just can't get my motivation up.

hope everyone else is having a splendid and on-track day!


p.s. like the new layout?


  1. Once you find those pills for calorie-free food, please tell me where I can buy some of my own! :)
    I'm sorry things have been kind of sucky lately.
    And at least you're going to the gym! I am at class all day most of the time, then I just want to sleep. No time to work out, but no time to eat too.

  2. "why does it take such a big gain to finally get me to put down the fork?" ughhhh i agree so much. god, the scale has to shock me in order for me to get back on track. i hope you have an amazing time at the gym. and 112 is amazing if you think its not. congrats hunny :)

  3. I'm working on that pill, together we can create the secret formula.

  4. new goal eh hello halloween soon !! you must look sexy stuff !

    lol maybe halloweens isnt your thing but thats my focus at the moment thot it might help

    reply to your comment omg i know what you mean in the uk i dont think the sizes are getting bigger as such but it varys so much from shop to shop topshop sizes are small new looks are way bigger i really wish there was a standard measurment they had to stick to although true i would rather buy a smaller number lol

    when you make that pill do i get discount pretty please :)


  5. Holy crap me too! I mean about the lately no control, it's like it just vanished this past week! I've got a fool proof back-up plan though if I can't get it back, so not to many worries as of yet. But I'm sure you'll get down to 106 soon enough, and it'll be all dandy and great! Oh and yes I do like your layout (: At first I was soo confused and like where'd she gooo??? But then I realized you changed the layout haha. Well sorry I haven't commented in forrevverr, but I'm gunna fix that!! looooove!


  6. Now Hugh Jackman is delicious! Haha, if only gorgeous boys could rid the desire of eating lots of calorie-rific foods!

    Like the new layout! It's very different.