Monday, October 19, 2009

cave in

oh weight, you so crazy.

hopped on the scale this morning after another binge last night. last one though, since all the bagels are gone. have i said this before? hells yes. do i mean it this time? about as much as i have all the other times. but my willpower always seems to falter. hopefully, since i've got CA on my side, we'll both be back on track starting today. anyway, got on this morning and found i'd lost a pound. whaaaaaaa?

i mean, i'll take it. i'm still not back to where i should be, obviously, but hey, that's awesome and i won't complain.

so i had a weird day yesterday. sister dear isn't speaking to me. in fact, she's been a flat-out cold bitch. i couldn't understand it. we hadn't really talked much lately and it's not like something happened that could have set her off. i said something to my mom about it. apparently her reason why is that she thinks i've gotten too thin. everyone in the fam knows about my struggles with food but my mom has basically employed a "don't ask, don't tell" policy and she told sister dear essentially to butt out because it's not her business, that' i'm old enough to handle things, and that she doesn't really know what she's talking about. so sister dear has been super childish. won't make eye contact, won't speak to me, so on. we went out to dinner last night and she was about to sit down when she saw she'd be sitting next to me and she moved across the table. uhhhh what?

it was also weird because my mom kept telling me how "lithe" and "defined" i looked. she also said something about my amazing self-control. um, clearly she's never seen me annihilate a frozen pizza (like i did last night...). but still, it was kind of nice? albeit a little strange.

so dinner was also weird for another reason. i went to the restroom and when i came out there was a guy waiting for me. he had been sitting across from me and i'd seen him looking at me a few times but i didn't think much of it because he looked kind of familiar. anyway, he says to me "i know you don't know me, but i'm sitting at the table across from you and i'd like to buy you a cup of coffee sometime." well i was completely flabbergasted. i had no clue what to say. i mean, why was he asking me out? i'm a nobody. i don't get attention like this. i stammered a bit and politely declined, looking down at my feet a lot. he was wearing chucks and i told him i liked them (this is how my brain works. i'm completely flustered but i still manage to comment on how cool chucks are...). but it was so weird! seriously, i'm not the kind of girl that this happens to. i'm always the friend of the girl this happens to. but it was flattering. even if, when i told my mom about it, she tried to convince me it wouldn't have been cheating for me to go out with him since the boyfriend is five hours away. oh mom...

anyway, trying to be good and stay on track today. the icy temperature in the house courtesy of my oh so mature sister is making me think i'll be out on my own for the day. she actually decided to talk to me this morning. to let me know her library books were due tomorrow and to tell me to return them. real nice.

stay strong, lovelies! and if anyone else is looking to get back on track, let me know! maybe CA or i can do something to help!



  1. I AM I AM.
    Getting back on track that is.
    Going for a 4 day water/tea fast.

    and ditto on being the friend of the one who gets chased.
    All the fucking time.
    Sick of it really.
    Now I just let it pass by, and move away if it starts to happen to the usual.
    I'm not usually a bitch, I swear :p

    Goooood luck on getting back on track.
    We can do this!

  2. good job on getting back on track today- i think that's the hardest part post-giving-into-food.. just getting back to doing what you can! and thats awesome about the scale being a pound less today :) every pound counts... stay strong today lovely! you can do it!

  3. <3'd the "oh weight, you so crazy"
    Doesn't it drive you mental how you can restrict like crazy and your weight doesn't budge, then you have a decent sized binge and you drop a pound? I'd like to eat normal and drop 25 pounds =) That'd be a dream come true!
    Your sister sounds just as lame as mine! Sucks. She'll get over her jealousy... that is what that is. Jealousy.
    Awwwww the part about the random boy outside the bathroom made me all smileyyyy!! That was super cute, and really ballsy! Was he cute? Ugh don't bf's ruin just about everything good? =P lol kidding. But damn that must have been a confidence booster!
    Stay strong hunnie, being on track will get easier and easier no matter how many bagels are in the way!

  4. Um, don't volunteer me to help people. Jeez. lol, Just kidding. Anything I can do to help anyone else learn from MY fucking mistakes would be awesome. I'm glad you're making progress! I, alas, am not yet, but at least I didn't binge today like I did the past four days in a row. So, that's a start? Keep me updated, love!