a new day

good morning gorgeouses!

well i tried to sleep as late as i could since i figured if i'm not conscious, i'm not hungry. but when i did finally return to the land of the living, i decided to go weigh myself. and, at best i've maintained. at worst, i've gained two pounds. fuuuuuuuck. so clearly here is what i'm thinking:

• it could be worse
• you did binge rather late last night and purge after. maybe some of it is just food that is yet to be digested.
• you have been doing yoga/pilates every day for over a week and your thighs hurt. it could be muscle.
• it could be worse, you're on track today so far.

is it all just lies to soothe myself? maybe. but i also know that if i just sit here and call myself a lazy bitch who complains to everyone abotu how fat she is but then just shovels food in her face like the hog that she resembles, i'll get sad. and mad. and hungry. so to avoid a sad/mad/hungry hybrid, i'm going to just remain calm and stick to the plan.

AND! i forgot that i have to fulfill some maid of honor obligations for my best friend and go to a bridal show with her tonight. which means i can totally say i'm going to get dinner with her and skip on it tonight! yes!

so the birthday had some unnecessary drama thank to sister dear. we decided to eat out at this really great restaurant and she of course shows up late because of work. ok. no worries. we're all looking at the menu and she's just constantly leaning over the boyfriend, asking me what i'm going to order. like no joke, she did it at least three times. even boyfriend was like "she's acting crazy what is her deal?" but i tried to brush it off. i ordered the ahi fish tacos appetizer and a gorgonzola pear salad. she had a small house salad with vinaigrette on the side (which is totally always my order and she never got that before...but whatevs) and the buffalo chicken pizza. well the salad was super yummy and i had to make myself only eat half of it. and she kept on watching me to see what i was eating and how much i was eating. then when the tacos came, i was really sad to find out that they were super spicy. i mean, i like spicy but these were insane. and there was seasoning on everything. the fish, the sour cream, everything. so i could literally only eat a few bites. and of course sister dear by this time has had three glasses of wine so she's like "sorry you decided not to eat your dinner." then we all came home and by this point, sister dear was drunk. and she's a talkative and mean drunk. i hate it when she's drunk. she once shoved me off the back of a sofa onto the hardwood floor while drunk because she "thought it would be funny." so she winds up eating three pieces of cake. i mean just literally picking them up off the plate and shoving them into her mouth. so i felt a little better. but then, later, boyfriend and i are upstairs watching tv and she decides to stumble in. now, by this point i'm sick of her. she's been belligerent and flirting with boyfriend and talking about herself and asking me over and over if i liked my gift from her because she wanted to hear about how much i loved it and how wonderful she is. so she comes in and starts talking about her ex boyfriend and how single she is and how much it sucks. and then she starts her whole "i'm a fattie. thank god i'm going to spin. i'm so fat. fatfatfatfat." rant and she's almost literally on top of me when she does this and i just turned to her and said "stop that. stop calling yourself fat. i've told you before to stop and i don't like it when you say that." and she just kind of nuzzled me and goes "soooooooooorry." and then wandered off.

it's like being back in fucking high school again. poor boyfriend had to deal with me after she left. i was miserable. i can't stand her. i can't stand her mind games. i really think i'm going to have to move out. i didn't want to until i at least had a job but i guess that's what savings are for because she's really driving me insane.

ugh working out is getting to be a chore. the same videos over and over again. yes i like doing the poses and the flows even though my thighs are killing me, but i would love to just blow it off. however, days off are for good girls who don't go on a carb binge at 1 a.m. and that's soooooooooo not me.

xoxo,
rubes

p.s. ricola lemon herb mint cough drop thingies are the shit! if you're like me and you love to munch on something while watching tv, these things are great. they taste yummy, sucking on them gives you something to do to distract you from eating something way worse, and they're only 17 calories each! hello lunch!