hello lovelies!i'm absolutely DYING for some ritz crackers right now but i must be strong so i'm blogging to you gorgeouses instead!
so decent day so far. i did some yoga this morning and probably burned around 80 cals (maybe more but i always low-ball so i don't think "ah yes, i can totally have whatever the fuck i'd like today!") and since then it's just been grapes and half and english muffin with a hard-boiled egg white. and coffee. and lots and lots of water.
had a bit of a binge last night. bad bad ruby. and then i thought "well i guess i should go purge" and my FUCKING TOOTHBRUSH BROKE while it was IN MY THROAT! sigh this happens semi-often since i suppose i'm an aggressive purge device wielder. so i had to go out and get another one this morning and picked up some more chocolate laxatives too. i wonder how many calories are in those things? because i eat them like, well, candy.
going out to dinner tonight. which is good, on the one hand, because then i don't have to worry about accomodating everyone's diet (sister dear can't eat red meat or pork or anything like that. just chicken and fish.) but on the other hand, the place we're going is a grill/pub/giant hunking portions of fatty deep-friend goodness thing so my options are limited.
i know i've mentioned my sister before and i should probably explain why she can be a bit of a vexation to me when i'm trying to lose weight. she's always been a bit competitive (and for some reason weirdly jealous even though she's twelve years older than me) with me and when it comes to looks, it's no exception. a few summers ago we would work out together and she would always have to beat me. i did the treadmill for 45 minutes? she did it for 50. i did yoga? she did yoga and pilates. she had an eating disorder when she was younger but she recovered, though she's still a bit of a work-out addict (soooo not my thing). so anyway, she knows i'm struggling with ED-NOS (therapist insisted i should tell my family when i was trying to recover hardcore) but she still likes to make little comments about what a piggy she is when she eats ANYTHING which makes me feel like shit because she's skinnier than i am and probably eats more than her. she also likes to make sure i know how fat she thinks she is, even though she likes to go shopping in MY closet so we're probably around the same size(ish). it's all very subversive and fucked up (as are most unspoken competitions about weight loss between girls--especially sisters). but she just drives me nuts sometimes and i just want to scream at her "go away! let me be thin! let me be beautiful for once!"
well that was a fun little vent. and now you know a bit more about me. whether you wanted to or not.
now i'm going to go watch a documentary on obesity. hopefully this will curb my appetite a bit. then on to more yoga later!
chins up, weights down my darlings!
xoxo,
rubes
p.s. if anyone has any suggestions for what they'd like to see on here (thinspo, tips, etc...) please let me know! this blog is as much for you as it is for me!
everytime you write "rubes"
ReplyDeletei think of rubix cube. :) lol.
oh wow, your toothbrush broke? :O how in the holy hell did you do that? cheap toothbrush?
because.. i think it would break your throat if you were pushing it that hard or something..
man, idk what to tell you about your sister.
have you tried telling her it bothers you when she does that? or does she not know about your ed? andddd hope you do okay at the pub! :)
Maybe you should be careful with the toothbrush thing? What if it breaks and like, one part goes down your throat, or you choke? Ickkkk.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you have the same name as my cat. : ) And I love my cat more than anything in the whole world. Hahaha.
That's rough about your sister. Maybe if you confronted her about it, or even just tell her that it shouldn't be a competition, and that she's making you feel really bad. My mom can be like that too, except she eats normally aside from occasional episodes of barely eating. But it's just hearing someone say "I'm so fat I ate so much I'm so fat why can't I lose weight blah blah" just sets me off.
I'm all about thinspo, so posting that would be fantastic. : )