dive in

sigh there's no real way to start this thing and not sound like a complete moron, yeah?

i contemplated writing some long drawn out paragraph detailing my sad sob story and letting it degenerate into a page of just complete and utter body bashing.

...perhaps another day...

but as it is, i'm still in bed (cheers to being unemployed) so i've still got the whole day in front of me.

and after last night when i ate a bagel at quarter to 1 a.m., i need to step it up and make sure i actually eat right today. and of course by "eat right" i mean eat as little as fucking possible.

i have two weeks to lose some weight. not just because it's my birthday and i'd like to actually look nice for it, but also because i won't be able to restrict as much when my family is trying to convince me to eat up for the big day. ugh i hate how much i rely on food for my emotions. when you're happy-eat. when you're sad-eat. is there any emotion we don't try to take care of by shoving food down our throats? i've yet to have a major life crisis solved by a bowl of pasta but that certainly doesn't stop me from scarfing one down.

but as i said, i'm still in bed. the day technically doesn't start to me until i've left my room. and today is going to be good, i'm going to be good. i'm going to pull out the dress i wanted to wear on my birthday for inspiration. i'm going to write notes and leave them on my mirrors. i'm going to write one on my wrist so i can see it in the kitchen. the trick is, of course, to not go overboard since my nosy sister will inevitably find some reason she just "has to" go through my things. again. ah family. can't live with them, can't afford to move far as fuck away.

anyway, i'm really inspired by so many of the other awesome blogs out there. i worry of course that my own little journal is completely insignificant in comparison. but who knows? this lovely community seems very supportive and embracing and right now i could use all the support i can get. and i really hope that some of my posts will at least be relatable to someone. after all, we're all in this together, i suppose.

xoxo,
rubes